Shower while you can because there is no soap in the future

(Insert futuristic time traveling sound effect here) I have seen the future and its a gritty, grimy, muddy, cruddy, stinky, stanky, everyone is psychopathic and cranky world. If your trying to figure out where the earth shattering reveal is and find yourself saying: “and????” then you are seeing what I am seeing.

It wasn’t always like this. We actually had hope for mankind at one time. In fact we had so much hope we honestly believed we could beat our inherit desire to jump in mud puddles, slide belly first into home-plate, and stop wiping our boogers on the underside of our chairs. We would be able to get along so well with others we decided to boldly take our collective Cheshire cat smiles, fabfrised and pressed matching outfits to places where no other man, woman, or friendly pointy eared alien has gone before. 

We used to picture ourselves in pristine tinfoil outfits, frolicking in front beautiful fountains, listening to music that suspiciously sounded like Yanni, (or is that Zamfir? Or Kenny G? I get the 3 confused) loving our fellow man, living in thoroughly scrubbed and bleached buildings and domiciles. Our future was so bright we needed to wear shades, transition lenses, goggles, or sometimes welder helmets (although the welders helmets often got in the way of us showing off our sporty supercuts hair cut).

Wow, how things have changed. Have you seen any of the offerings of horror, science fiction, and even drama on television anymore? Its lousy with vampires, werewolves, zombies, witches, chain smokers, mean aliens, dark knights, rabid racoons, pissed off cafeteria lady’s, greedy back stabbing advertising executives, and psychopathic meth making chemistry teachers. 

No seriously take a shower while you can because there doesn’t seem to be a lick of soap or hand sanitizer to save your life in the future. From what I have seen it looks like the future has been dipped in old bike chain oil, drug through the dirt, pushed into every mud puddle that can be found, and there is at least 3 pounds of sand in everyone’s boots. Everyone is so busy just trying to survive last weeks horrifying, I can’t believe that just happened, nail biting chain of events that personal hygiene is not a concern. 

Never mind making a fortress armed to the tooth, buying a really big gun from a shady person, obtaining a alien powered space ball, or using a original vampire killing stake with a spell put on it by a witch, the stink from your collective body odor and (ahem) body juices should honestly be enough to kill anything from any planet.

5 thoughts on “Shower while you can because there is no soap in the future

    1. I can see it now making soap with Tyler Durden fighting in (oops I am sorry we are not supposed to talk about fight club) while running from Zombies

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