How to stick out like a soar thumb when traveling down south without really trying.

jackie-gleason1

I don’t live down south, and most of my family does. We all come from “up north” originally, its just pretty much everyone else except me has moved. My wife and I made a trip to have a family reunion of sorts to Georgia. We live in Ohio. This became important information really quickly because once we crossed into Georgia territory we would stop somewhere, (to say get gas, or whatever) open our mouths, say something, and instantly get this response: “Yalllllll aint from around here are ya?”

Then we made the biggest mistake we could have ever made: When prompted for the umpteenth time we were not from around those parts we told someone we from Ohio to which the immediate response was: “General Sherman was from Ohio and he Burned Atlanta”!.

So, as you can see, The Civil War is still being fought down south (oooops I mean the “War Of Northern Agression”) and weather or not you or your family tree may may have been responsible, if your a “Yankee” the whole sorted history comes with it.

Then there was the time we stopped in this small town (think Mayberry meets village of the damned) and when I went into a store and I swear every single man and woman in that store did indeed look like they just stepped out of an episode of “The Andy Griffith Show”. This also was the same time my former mullet (admit it you had one too at least once) graduated to a full blown rat tail. (yes I had that thing for quite a while) Add the earring in my left ear and I have full confidence they also found me to be equally strange looking.

Despite the fact I was born, raised, and have lived in Ohio most of my life I actually have lived in Georgia for a small amount of time. During that time I did become more acclimated to the south and here (in no particular order) is a set of rules to help you NOT to stick out like a sore thumb:

When ordering food at a restaurant make sure you order hush puppies, (and or) biscuits, gravy, and gravy to go with your gravy.

If invited to a BBQ at a friend or coworkers place its okay (and encouraged) to tell them “the food was so good it made you want to smack your momma” (but please don’t really smack your momma)

Sweet tea (properly pronounced swaaaytee) Is always the beverage of choice unless your having yourself a Coca-cola (properly pronounced Cohcola)

The south will rise again. In all its Camaro Z28, mullet with #3 etched in the side (RIP Dale Earnhardt), Hank Williams and Hank Williams Jr rebel flag waving glory

If your trying convince someone you know The area around Atlanta fairly well always refer to: the MARTA, The big chicken (google image it folks, there really is a KFC with big chicken in front) or “The Varsity” (the best fast food hamburgers you will ever eat home slice)

When you visit Georgia you expect good Ole Boys with guns, but you really don’t want to mess with the Georgia Patrol, because now your talking good Ole boys with guns and badges and that’s a whole other level of crazy you don’t want to mess with.

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