Give us a (awkward) hug

Hug Steve

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Is it me? Or is there a younger, hipper, less emotionally damaged generation who is hell bent on hugging? Now mind you, I am not stating for the record that I am against hugs. They are great!… but only from a select few people I actually would like to receive one from. The approved hug list pretty much revolves family and close friends. Even then there are exceptions to the rules I have put in place as to who exactly I will and wont hug. Complete strangers are not totally of the question (like say: Sofía Vergara can hug me anytime she wants) it just has to go through my very complicated application process.

Don’t even get me started on “group hugs”. UGH no thanks, I would much rather be bitten by a Vampire covered in leaches being half eaten by a zombie killer shark from another planet. Then there is the completely random, UN-announced, so not expected hug. Yes it has happened to me, and can I say? I am not so much of a fan. Fist bump? Heck yeah! (and make it explode on the way out) hand shake? Yes! (I welcome a firm hand shake) but hugging is just something completely personal, in my personal space, and needs approval. (I will send you a application form to fill out)

A friend, and Pastor of mine is a hugger. I learned real quick to be hugged with our without my permission. I love God, and I love you sir, but can I just give you a handshake? Or a high five? At this point I want to invent a hug proof vest. (unless you are Sofía Vergara)

2 thoughts on “Give us a (awkward) hug

  1. I can’t agree with you more. People are always hugging me and you know that I’m not appealing of a person to hug. Sigh… I guess I’m just so lovable and attractive to everyone that they want to hug me. Or perhaps I look like a broken soul or maybe a robot that needs a hug.

  2. I also cannot agree w/ you more. We have a huggerwoman at church whom I love, but she has been forbidden from hugging me because I am honest to the point of cruelty. Now that I have made it clear that I don’t want people “on top of me,” some clever people try to come at me with their arms ready to embrace me, and I give them a solid wave. I’m not a germaphobe; I’ll touch the bathroom door handle that you just touched obviously, but we don’t need to be pressed against one another unless we’re married or related. Fistbumping is much better. And even worse than huggerwoman is huggerman (also at church), petite and in his 70s, who has a habit of grabbing one gal in his left arm hook and one in the right, and then bringing us in so tightly that we are unnaturally close to not only him, but each other. An awkward threesome, only inches from each other’s faces. Ick.

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