All this blog Needs is a Buzz Phrase

Act Now and in 38000 easy payments (that’s less than a cost of a cup of coffee folks) these scrubbing bubbles with activate the activated charcoal along with these scientifically proven moisture pockets residing within the patented vortex wind funnel cleaning wand.

That sure got your attention Huh? Wow that was exciting! I could just picture myself wet-dry cleaning an elephant and even the elephant’s wrinkles would be squeaky clean. Finally! Heck knows even elephants deserve clean wrinkles.

Everywhere I look it seems there are MADMEN creating brilliantly annoying advertising campaign’s just lousy with buzz phrases. (Or is that lousy advertising with annoying buzz phrases??) Only in commercials do we find out that Bounty is the quicker picker upper (I would hate to see it be the slower, I will get that tomorrow, non-picker downer), Gerber’s baby food has Comfort Proteins, Zip lock bags have snap and fresh seal technology, Fresh Step Cat Litter has activated freshness molecules, and further learn that it only takes wearing a lab coat and a buzz phrase and voila! I can convince you that super-duper smart scientists worked around the clock (with no bathroom break mind you) to create this thigamabob that makes your life complete.

I have some burning questions: Is secret really strong enough for a man, but made for a woman? And will a man blow up into a bazillion little pieces if he wears it any way? Is Irish Spring made in Ireland? Are the thoughts of a dead turkey wrapped in Reynolds wrap protected against Alien thought invasion? Are Colgate cleaning molecules treated differently at the local bar as opposed to regular molecules? Are flavor pockets related to Flavor Flav? (yeeeeeeeee boy) and just what exactly is dry weave technology?

I am beginning to suspect the writers who used to create the techno-babble heard in a Star Trek episode now make up buzz phrases heard in commercials. Maybe if I employ the interlocking viral blog packets then its slightly possible fiber optic cyber freshness seal molecules will dry weave a nice cardigan sweater for me.


Bad celebrity/noteworthy people choices:

English: Arnold Schwarzenegger in July 2003

English: Arnold Schwarzenegger in July 2003 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Being on a Boat with Robert Wagner
Being in a car With Ted Kennedy
Being on a plane with Buddy Holly
Being on top of the Empire State Building with King Kong
Being on Mars with Arnold Schwarzenegger
Baby sitting in late 1970’s suburbia with Jamie Lee Curtis
Being on a distant moon filled with Xenomorphic aliens with Paul Reiser
Being a entertainer sharing the same video music award stage with Miley Cyrus
Being the Warner Brothers executive responsible for choosing Ben Affleck as the new Batman
Being in any movie of any kind with Steven Segal
taking a taxi ride to pretty much anywhere with a Mohawk clad Robert De Niro
Being the guy on a landing party with red shirt on Star Trek
Being in a pit of molten Carbonite with Han Solo

The Next Time You Get Roped (Guilted) Into Being Nominated For (& Accepting) “The Shine On Award” Make Sure You Read The Teleprompter And Stick Your “Prepared” Acceptance Speech



Its official, you blogging bloggers have officially blogged your way into my social networking consciousness. The ever so brilliant mind (or minds) behind Bumblepuppies Has taken it upon themselves to Honor (more like pester) me (here is the nomination The Shine On Award Insults My Intelligence ) with “The Shine On Award”. I am supposed share 7 things you don’t know about me and then further Nominate (obligate) other bloggers so the award is more like the song that never ends.

Here goes:

#1. I am a metal head, born and raised. I firmly believe I am the few, if not the only teenager who would come home and ask my mom to turn down her loud music instead of the other way around.

#2. I studied (for only a year) at a bible college (back in the late 80’s) to be a full time minister. I finally came to the conclusion that being a minister as my full time career choice or occupation was not my calling. I did some street preaching on the streets of New York City, have preached several sermons, and even was the speaker (preacher?) at my great aunts Funeral. I learned some impromptu illusions (that illustrate the gospel) from the street preaching group, designed my own illusions (based on years and years of being interested in and practicing stage magic) and do a gospel magic act as “Mike The Magician” when I get a chance to perform.

#3. Magic Johnson is NOT my dad. I know this comes as a big shock, but Maury Povich did the DNA test, there was a fight between Stevie Wonder and Randy Macho Man savage and the once viral youtube video of the whole event was pulled after receiving a cease and diciest order from the estate of Claus Von Bulow

#4. Video killed the Radio star. Its true, tragic and the FBI still has a wanted poster, and a warrant out the capture and arrest for Video

#5. I am NOT the cats pajamas. I may be the cats feeder, poop scooper, personal furniture to lay on, bringer of mysterious silver cans that food appears from but I am certainly not the pajamas

#6. I think my wife is a mime. She wears black leotards, pretends she’s trapped in a big glass box all the time, and refuses to talk about it

#7. Both a Chia pet and a goldfish died under my care back in the 90’s. There is still a ongoing investigation behind the matter

Now here is my chance to further Nominate (obligate) other Bloggers. They super fantastic blogs and if you feel otherwise I will have no choice except to challenge you to a watermelon seed spitting contest.

I Don’t Get It A really cool blog written by a really cool person. I love the pictures and images she finds and posts. Here is the latest article/blog (as of this date) posted: Total Yodel Recall

The Dim Wit Diary I just recently discovered this blogger. He’s a dimwit, and I am a weirdo so I guess weirdo’s and dimwits are so much alike (but not totally) that we gravitate to the same strange universe. Here is the latest blog:
Facebook odds and ends volume two

A Truly awesome blog that is so much worth the read. The crazy real adventures will truly stun and amaze you. Here is the latest entry:
U Turn

StrawberryQuickSand This awesome Aussie tells such great stories that an American bloke like me feels like I just went on a trip around the world every time I read an entry like this one:
Will You Go Out With Me To A Beach Boys Concert

The Jogging Dad He’s a dad, he jogs, he blogs. Jogging and running is not my thing, but I like the fact he’s a dad who makes the time to jog and blog (normally not at the same time). He has a great positive perspective despite all those invisible zombies chasing him (why else would you run?). Here is latest running blog: One Day On A Treadmill

Ben’s Bitter Blog Bitter disappointment, loneliness, desperation, anxiety, and bitter bitter sarcasm awaits just a click away. If you hate happy sappy plastic flaky smiley people then Ben has the right bitter pill for you to take:
Bitter Apathetic Lazy Telekenetic Pictures Or Bitter Pictures Of The Week

Kevin Hellriegel’s Blog Of Worthless Advice Despite the fact Kevin has a restraining order against me from ever darkening his corner of World Of Warcraft ever again. I personally feel there are no real hard feelings (on my part at least) about the fake troll under the bridge incident and when I am really in need of the absolute worst, worthless, and truly useless advise I contact my attorney and read Kevin’s blog anyway:
How To Keep The Inmates Happy Teaching Your Children Good Manners

Go ahead, be a quitter. Everyone is doing it

32px|alt=W3C|link=✓ Th...

32px|alt=W3C|link=✓ The source code of this SVG is valid. Category:Valid SVG Deutsch: Breaking Bad Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I really have no business pointing out the inability of others to finish a project. When it comes to unfinished projects, book ideas, comic strip ideas, movie ideas, great casting choices (a much younger circa “The Hunt For Red October” Sean Connery really would have made a great “Dr Quest” if anyone would have bothered to make a live action version of “Johnny Quest” like I kept on thinking in my head and shared with few people to no one), art projects, and lego designs I am most certainly the best choice to make.

I am a television entertainment nut from way back. (heck I can still do an impromptu singing of the “Mr Ed” Theme song with a teleprompter but I doubt if you want to be subjected to it) and I hate it when my favorite shows call it quits. I still miss TV shows that have been off the air longer than some of my much younger friends have even been alive. The famous signing off episodes of The Mary Tyler Moore show, Newhart (seriously? Who can forget the awesome twist during the last episode?), MASH, Family Ties, Cheers, Frasier, Friends, Matlock (ok, I threw that one in to see if your paying attention. Did Matlock have a signing off episode?), Seinfeld, The Soprano’s (RIP James Gandolfini), and a skew of others.

Not only do I hate it when my favorite TV shows come to an end because I will so seriously miss the characters, but I also hate the TV wasteland that fills its wake after wards. Is it me? Or does it seem like TV networks are willing to slap anything on? Really ABC? Whodunnit? Its just a reality version of “Clue”. What’s next? Chutes and Ladders?

I have had to give up a lot in the last couple of years. House? Really? You took House from me? Sure I still have the reruns to watch but I miss Dr. House making a nuisance of himself, while solving medical mysteries. Sure Syfy channel, Kick a nerd/geek when I am down, cancel Eureka on me, and now you cancel Warehouse 13. Not only do I hate it when TV networks end a show, but whats even worse is when the show is just yanked off the air without a decent rap up. From what I hear Warehouse 13 is not even going to get a decent send off/rap up/ending episode.

And If August 11th 2013, crystal blue, Heisenberg, Hank Shrader, Walter White, Better call Saul, Los Polo’s Hermanos, Skyler White, or Jesse Pinkman have no meaning for you than you obviously are not a Breaking Bad nut job like I am. Yes I am counting down, Yes I have my Heisenberg hat ready, yes I have my blue rock candy (what they actually use on set for the “blue meth”) recipe ready, and yes my DVR is fired up and ready for the beginning of the end. I m going to love/hate every minute of it knowing that the explosive/emotional end is well..the end. If you need me I will be weeping wildly in front of my TV with a 3/4th eaten ziplock bag of blue rock candy strewn all over me.

Brand X Thank You Very Much

Nice Day for a copy cat Elvis Lip curl

Nice Day for a copy cat Elvis Lip curl

Michael (yes my real name)! Sit down! Stop fidgeting! Are you day dreaming again? Pay attention!

All things I remember being told while growing up. When most of your childhood years stem from the mid 1960’s (yes I am that old) to the mid 1970’s you live in a world where keeping your head down, staying quiet, and not sticking out like a sore thumb are attributes you are told to have when in school. Good luck with that with me, God truly did break the mold when he made me and he made me to be different, way different.

My favorite picture of myself is of a toddler, I am wearing a wig my mom used to wear and I have my mom’s hand mirror and I am strumming the mirror part and grabbing the handle like its a guitar and I think I was trying to imitate a Beatle or something like that. The reason it’s my favorite is that the picture just screams: Me. It truly is a picture (no pun intended) of what is yet to come and the kind of behavior, attitude, humor, parody, and energy that can be expected from me at all times no matter how old I get.

I am technically a baby boomer, I was born just right at the edge of the baby boomer generation. The problem with this is I have absolutely nothing in common with the main section of this generation. I have always felt I identified and fit more into Generation X.

Were talking a generation that was influenced by (yes I am a movie geek) The God Father, Taxi, Midnight Cowboy, Cool hand Luke, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Star Wars, The Exorcist, Deliverance, Jaws, Halloween, and ect.

Our parents had proved that reaching the moon was just the beginning. Mars was next and Wernher Von Braun had developed the stage rockets (never used, and are on display at the NASA space camp) to get us there. The sky, stars, and universe were no match. We came to kick ass, chew gum, and we just ran out of gum.

Now of course everyone feels their particular generation they grew up in and was influenced by was the best. Everyone once they get old enough will start to feel a disconnect with people younger than themselves. Everyone will have that embarrassing moment when they make a reference and realize that very reference only further illustrates how old they really are and how much older that reference makes them feel.

I am turning 50 in august, and I don’t plan on “Growing up” anytime soon. My mustache is almost all gray now, my own mother noticed my swash of gray hair in front, and if Alex Trebek even remotely thinks of showing up at my door I plan on kicking him square in the nuts. I have no plans on going quietly in the night. I have full plans on being a 80 year old hell on wheel chair bound trouble maker with a wig on, rocking out, while listening to Billy Idol.