Hazah! have a drink on me!

keep-calm-and-have-a-drink-on-me-2

 

Good morning! (Its morning here right now) what is your blood alchohol level? Not high enough? Mix a nice energy drink with something 100 proof and that may do the trick. Starbucks is for sissys and not being 3 sheets to the wind can be confusing for some people.

Quick! Act now! Drinks are on the house! Which (if I understand the saying correctly) implies they are free. What a jerk! What good are free drinks if I have to get a ladder and get them from on top of the house?

Drinking friend: I had such a great weekend! I totally blacked out and I don’t remember anything! Really? That’s considered a great time? Trying my best not to pass judgement here but I normally prefer to have the ability to recall why I had a great time.

Keep calm, have a good day, and have drink on me. (Just a saying you really can’t have a drink on me. Its weird and I prefer not to be used as a table)

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Skip the guilt, pass the mash-potatoes please

It’s the same thing every year. To the point where I truly have a love-hate relationship with my television and the programming it gives me. My wife and I don’t have any children so I guess having both internet and TV is like having kids (in a way). One minute your so disappointed in them (BAD! TV & INTERNET! BAD!) that you swear your going to kick them permanently out of your home, and next thing you know they bring you (where I actually mean me in this case) kittens, puppies, science fiction, and absolutely no signs of Miley Ray Cyrus twerking while smoking pot.

Local news and the demented newscasters who appear on TV are the absolute worst. Anyone who has to look good on camera, be heavyhearted because of today’s fresh hell of tragedies, then in a blink of an eye brighten up with a story of a penguin who is using its body to shelter homeless seal pups who ‘s mommy and daddy died has to have some personality and mental issues.

Once again, right on time the demented newscasters start with the “eating with moderation”, holiday diet, turkey can kill you, why mash-potatoes are dangerous, cranberry’s are really terrorists, gravy causes cancer, dressing is really an alien ploy to take over your mind, please please let us find every reason in the world for you to feel guilty for actually enjoying a meal with your loved ones (if you can).

Let’s just say we skip the guilt, and pass the mash-potatoes please. Not everybody has a home, not everybody has family to be with, and some even have to spend thanksgiving in the hospital, in prison, in another country defending your freedom to watch football or 24 hours of “A Christmas Story”. Let’s just be thankful for what blessings we have and remember despite all the efforts your momma’s sweet potato pie may be making to clog your arteries that there is always someone who is going through something you could never imagine.

Money Cat

Help control the evil money cat population. Have your Ceramic Possessed cat spayed or neutered

Help control the evil money cat population. Have your Ceramic Possessed cat spayed or neutered

Money Cat’s (sometimes called lucky cats, fortune cat, happy cat) are those freaky ceramic (I’m confused here, are they Japanese? Or Chinese?) battery operated pawing (Wikipedia claims its a beckoning motion) cats you see at the front counter when picking up your Chinese food. Am I the only one who fully expects a throw back buddy comedy-action movie starring Mel Gibson/Danny Glover? Wesley Snipes/Woody Harrelson? Woody Allen/Estelle Getty? When you say or read the very words: “Money Cat”?

Plain, and simple these things just freak me out to no end. Wikipedia may indeed be convinced that they are “beckoning” good fortune but I always make sure I have had my latest tetanus shot when I am any where near them. Who is to say ceramic battery operated (may possibly be possessed) kitty does not have metal Freddy Krueger claws? (Down cat! Down! I just want my sweet & sour chicken and egg rolls!)

AWWW.. Hello Kitty!

AWWW.. Hello Kitty!

Evil money cat could learn a thing or two from “Hello Kitty”. Now, there is a cat who is cute, welcoming, and apparently has more money than Barbie has dream houses. She’s everywhere, not just relocated to Chinese restaurants.

I want to rock and roll all night and Hello Kitty everyday

I want to rock and roll all night and Hello Kitty everyday

Kiss (the rock group, not the form of public affection) Hello Kitty? Yes..

Dr. Dre only wishes his headphones were this cool

Dr. Dre only wishes his headphones were this cool

Hello Kitty bling headphones? Yes.. Hello Kitty the flame thrower? Well.. ok there are scientists who are still working on that. So it just makes more sense to me that if your goal is to lure good fortune, money, and good luck your direction than you would want good fortune, money, good luck, and potential customers to say: “Hello Kitty!” and not want to run out in a panic.