Once Upon A Zombie

Image representing The Walt Disney Company as ...

Image via CrunchBase

[a article of great creative interest by rocket tattoo ]

Orlando Florida

Troubled news from the Magic Kingdom today as the truly horrific images were finally revealed for all to see. CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, and even Ron Burgundy himself called for a moratorium on the limit of ghastly video, images, and assorted camera phone pictures were flooding the internet. Facebook, Instagram, Flicker, Google, and Twitter all vowed to pull any and all disturbing images from their databases.

As far as anyone can tell the imagineers at Disney/Buena Vista International finally went too far with taking “dramatic liberties” with Fairy tale characters, their own characters, and several episodes of “the walking dead”. “Through the Magic Of Disney” Beloved characters apparently were bitten, scratched, clawed, chewed, eaten and even further infected by a hoard of ruthless celluloid and digital animation eating Zombies.

The scene is so indescribably horrific that words just really cannot describe the cartoon suffering. Special agent Goofy of the Magic Kingdom Security Division was forced to break his deep cover as a long term Disney character in order to bring the grim news to the media. According to the Special Agent the madness broke out during a speaker phone conversation with The heads at ABC studios. As far as they can tell, despite the confusion of including beloved Disney Characters into the already head spinning enigma of a television show that is “Once Upon A Time” there was excitement, further eagerness, and willingness to include even more of their properties (Marvel, Star Wars, ect) into their fairy tale based show.

Little did they know that while they were having their conversation that Mickey Mouse once again (despite all the security protocols Disney had put in place) had been making Dark Disney magic while wearing the very same Sorcerers hat he wore in the movie Fantasia. It seems that there was no way Mickey could even begin to realize the ramifications of doing so after just watching a 4 hour block of “The Walking Dead” on Netflix.

Disney security, a celluloid and digital animation recovery unit, and some people dressed like keystone Cops have been deputized by Special Agent Goofy himself to help contain the Zombie virus. He would only say about the process that “Nothing shakes you to the core more than having to give Dumbo the elephant a head-shot to end his suffering”. Everything else, the entire Disney property, golf courses, people mover, Epcot, and even any images is being blacked out to the media in respect for the Families of the affected Disney Characters.

[ Rocket tattoo is a artist, thinker, blogger, comedian, happily married weirdo, and makes money online here: http://bit.ly/1acxCAp ]

Its not over until the Fluffy person sings

Its the Candy Cops Charlie Brown!

Its the Candy Cops Charlie Brown!

A North Dakota woman says she’s giving out letters to children she believes are obese when they come to her door this Halloween. Bah Halloween hum bug lady. Who died and made you “candy cop”?!? Even if such thing as “candy cop” really existed Jean-Claude Van Damme would be much better as a time traveling Department Of Sugar Land Security agent with the mission to finally get the left and right twixt to reunite forces against overzealous nutritionists bent on making making everything taste like plaster board coated with paste.

I personally hate the terms “Fat”, “Obese” and don’t even get close to me with the term “Morbidly Obese”. Maybe it’s just me, but I can honestly feel the hate, neglect, lack of compassion and understanding just steaming off of them like a industrial complex happily chugging cancer causing smoke/exhaust into the air. I prefer the term “Fluffy”. Yes I am fluffy and I owe no one any apology of any kind for being so. I don’t need your well meaning advise, I don’t need a lecture on vegetables (how do you know I don’t eat vegetables? A salad? ), and I even though I am used to being called “Big Guy” I honestly think people really to think more about what they say before they say it.

Yes, I am quite aware that our nation is getting more overweight, but I am sorry this certainly does not give the media the right to do their obligatory fluffy mid section and posterior camera angles they are famous doing when doing a news story trying to convince everyone that fluffy people are ruining the world as we know it.

Larger airplane seats with arm rests that come up to give you even more room? Theater seats with arm rests that also lift and have cup holders? The return of the Twinkie and the raspberry zinger? Sugary cereal commercials with fully grown adults? The brilliant comedic shenanigans of John Candy? Jackie Gleason? Melissa McCarthy? Billy Gardell? Gabriel Iglesias? Ralphy May? Bruce Bruce? John Pinette? Ect? Your welcome skinny people, your welcome.