An Ode to Wendy O. Williams (and the Plasmatics)

::We interrupt this Blog with a chainsaw::
Believe it or not my first introduction to Wendy O. Williams was during a English class in high school. Mr. (sorry I can’t remember his last name) rolled in a TV, and VCR from the AV department and proceeded to shock, stimulate, and barrage our ears and eyes with the magic wonder and mystery that was Wendy O. Williams. He made it clear he was a big fan of hers and since she is famous for her Mohawk (did she have a mohawk? I was not paying attention to her hair at the time), strategically placed electrical tape/pasties/clothes?, and taking a chainsaw to a car while performing most of the guys in the class (who knows, maybe a couple of girls also) became instant fans also.

Mind you, this is during the early 80’s when MTV actually played music videos and it just got so crazy as to what and who would be shown on MTV it seemed like it was open season on the ears, eyes, and whatever sensibilities there may have been left over from the post disco studio 54 age. MTV garnered the reputation of being almost like a pirate radio station. You watched it during the day with your parents and they would be kind enough to show simple minds or Tiffany and when you watched late at night you just might get to see Punk Bands, Billy Idol, and even Wendy O. Williams. A complete overload of orange, green, purple hair, tattoos, piercings, ripped jeans, and badass anti-establishement rock music.

Because I truly want my blog to be rated G (PG at best) I will not post a youtube video here as an example. Never mind Lady Gaga, or Nicki Minaj, they are just mere novices when compared to the fierce full throttle bat in the face explosion that was Wendy O. Williams. Now where did I leave that chainsaw??

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The Macho Man Vs The Sensitive Circus Clown

macho_man_randy_savage

One of my favorite bloggers touched on what exactly makes a man.. well manly? I have always rejected the square peg meets round hole stereo types, and notions. Mostly because I am willing to openly admit I don’t meet most of the what I personally feel are stupid notions. Men are tough, men don’t cry, men like being sweaty and dirty, men eat coal and crap diamonds, men are hunters, men hate hugging, men don’t show their feelings, men love fast cars and loose women, men wear beards (with no real offense meant to the real cast) and look like the cast of Duck Dynasty. The completely ridiculous Macho Man Randy Savage list goes on and on. Give me a break!

My older brother I feel certainly fits the bill of what I personally term a “Mans man”. He hunts, he owns and operates guns, he wears a lot of camouflage, rides a motorcycle, is moody, broody, and is more prone to punch you in the face or give you a hearty fist bump rather than give you a hug (just think of the uber-male that you see portrayed in a beer commercial and you get the idea) . Me on the other hand, I am not any of that at all. I (big surprise here) am more prone to be the sensitive hugging joker creative artistic clown who loves pretty flowers, puppy’s, and is easily distracted by laser lights and shiny objects. I love to wear colorful clothes, make my own accessories (necklaces, wrist bands), I am sorta obsessive about my clothes and how they match, have dyed my hair several colors, and yes I am thoroughly heterosexual without question because lets just say there are certain parts of the female anatomy that just send me into outer space.

This is not to say that I don’t have my moments as a typical guy (or husband). Even after being married for 25 years and knowing my wife for 30, I still have to remind myself that she really doesn’t want me to “fix” her problems (per say) but really just wants me to listen. Good luck ladies, guys are built to be builders, fixers, and problem solvers and anytime there is a chance to use tools, or duct tape we loose ourselves like a golden retriever looses itself over a tennis ball.

I guess my point here is to NEVER allow anyone, anywhere, for any reason try to pigeon hole you, control you, and tell you that you don’t fit the description of a Man or Woman. I tend not to trust public opinion because I never cared to do something just because “everyone is doing it”. In-fact, if anything I have always reserved the right to make my own mind at my own pace about my own life with no apologies for doing so. If you don’t like me or the way I do things then that is your problem not mine.

Don’t Look now there is a sexy vampire following you

English: A screenshot from Dracula Italiano: U...

English: A screenshot from Dracula Italiano: Uno screenshot del film Dracula (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Twilight, the twilight movie franchise, the twilight book franchise, true blood, vampire dairies, twilight the flash light, twilight the place mat, twilight the toilet paper, and vampire dairies the shrimp fork all have one thing in common: Sexy vampires.

Your grandma had Max Shreck (as Nosferatu ). There was no doubt in any ones mind Vampires were weird looking, ugly, disagreeable, spent a lot of time not saying a lot, wanted to drink your blood, liked playing with shadow puppets, and meant to harm you.

Your dad (and possibly mom although she refuses to talk about it) had Bela Lugosi (as Dracula). He was dressed well to do looked like he should be vamping up and down Park Avenue but it was still pretty clear he just wanted to be a evil blood sucking king of the vampires in a tuxedo and coat tails.

Now Vampires have to be hunky, sexy, alluring, wearing Vampire couture, has to know how to be filled with angst, have great hair, be elusive, be mysterious, look great in a tight Hot Topic T-shirt, and memorize confusing dialogue involving shape shifters, witches, werewolves, magic, doppelgangers, cemeteries, and “how do I get get blood out of my laundry?” dry cleaning bills.

Max and Bela just would not make the grade. They don’t test well with modern audiences, don’t know how to work a red carpet event, don’t sparkle in any way possible, don’t know how to work a comic con room, and no one wants to bid $10,000.00 on a cocktail napkin they used on Ebay.

Sounds like way too much pressure to me. Isn’t it enough be eternal? Do you even have any idea how boring the late 1700’s were? And seriously, someone please make up their mind. Am I a bat? Or a vampire? And now I have to look good at 8am making witty morning talk show banter while plugging the new vampire whatever thing? Yuck. I need a upside down nap, someone please wake me up when I can go back to being a ordinary vampire.

The Next Time You Get Roped (Guilted) Into Being Nominated For (& Accepting) “The Shine On Award” Make Sure You Read The Teleprompter And Stick Your “Prepared” Acceptance Speech

 
You WON! TADA!

You WON! TADA!

Its official, you blogging bloggers have officially blogged your way into my social networking consciousness. The ever so brilliant mind (or minds) behind Bumblepuppies Has taken it upon themselves to Honor (more like pester) me (here is the nomination The Shine On Award Insults My Intelligence ) with “The Shine On Award”. I am supposed share 7 things you don’t know about me and then further Nominate (obligate) other bloggers so the award is more like the song that never ends.

Here goes:

#1. I am a metal head, born and raised. I firmly believe I am the few, if not the only teenager who would come home and ask my mom to turn down her loud music instead of the other way around.

#2. I studied (for only a year) at a bible college (back in the late 80’s) to be a full time minister. I finally came to the conclusion that being a minister as my full time career choice or occupation was not my calling. I did some street preaching on the streets of New York City, have preached several sermons, and even was the speaker (preacher?) at my great aunts Funeral. I learned some impromptu illusions (that illustrate the gospel) from the street preaching group, designed my own illusions (based on years and years of being interested in and practicing stage magic) and do a gospel magic act as “Mike The Magician” when I get a chance to perform.

#3. Magic Johnson is NOT my dad. I know this comes as a big shock, but Maury Povich did the DNA test, there was a fight between Stevie Wonder and Randy Macho Man savage and the once viral youtube video of the whole event was pulled after receiving a cease and diciest order from the estate of Claus Von Bulow

#4. Video killed the Radio star. Its true, tragic and the FBI still has a wanted poster, and a warrant out the capture and arrest for Video

#5. I am NOT the cats pajamas. I may be the cats feeder, poop scooper, personal furniture to lay on, bringer of mysterious silver cans that food appears from but I am certainly not the pajamas

#6. I think my wife is a mime. She wears black leotards, pretends she’s trapped in a big glass box all the time, and refuses to talk about it

#7. Both a Chia pet and a goldfish died under my care back in the 90’s. There is still a ongoing investigation behind the matter

Now here is my chance to further Nominate (obligate) other Bloggers. They super fantastic blogs and if you feel otherwise I will have no choice except to challenge you to a watermelon seed spitting contest.

I Don’t Get It A really cool blog written by a really cool person. I love the pictures and images she finds and posts. Here is the latest article/blog (as of this date) posted: Total Yodel Recall

The Dim Wit Diary I just recently discovered this blogger. He’s a dimwit, and I am a weirdo so I guess weirdo’s and dimwits are so much alike (but not totally) that we gravitate to the same strange universe. Here is the latest blog:
Facebook odds and ends volume two

Lifebeyondexaggeration
A Truly awesome blog that is so much worth the read. The crazy real adventures will truly stun and amaze you. Here is the latest entry:
U Turn

StrawberryQuickSand This awesome Aussie tells such great stories that an American bloke like me feels like I just went on a trip around the world every time I read an entry like this one:
Will You Go Out With Me To A Beach Boys Concert

The Jogging Dad He’s a dad, he jogs, he blogs. Jogging and running is not my thing, but I like the fact he’s a dad who makes the time to jog and blog (normally not at the same time). He has a great positive perspective despite all those invisible zombies chasing him (why else would you run?). Here is latest running blog: One Day On A Treadmill

Ben’s Bitter Blog Bitter disappointment, loneliness, desperation, anxiety, and bitter bitter sarcasm awaits just a click away. If you hate happy sappy plastic flaky smiley people then Ben has the right bitter pill for you to take:
Bitter Apathetic Lazy Telekenetic Pictures Or Bitter Pictures Of The Week

Kevin Hellriegel’s Blog Of Worthless Advice Despite the fact Kevin has a restraining order against me from ever darkening his corner of World Of Warcraft ever again. I personally feel there are no real hard feelings (on my part at least) about the fake troll under the bridge incident and when I am really in need of the absolute worst, worthless, and truly useless advise I contact my attorney and read Kevin’s blog anyway:
How To Keep The Inmates Happy Teaching Your Children Good Manners

Next time you save the universe make sure you know how to google reverse sku search, diagnose hardware and software issues, and make a step by step electronics fix it book for your wife

What's in my Computer Bits Bag

What’s in my Computer Bits Bag (Photo credit: Nick J Adams)

Oh the joy of being a geeky, tech nerd from planet X (the planet insists on remaining unknown for its own protection). It has its ups and downs. On the plus side I do know my way around computers, digital watches ( who needs to wear a watch any more?), remote controls, hard drives, mouses, printers, software, HTML coding, wireless networks, wireless routers, google searching, and most electronic things and gadgets.

On the down side when your friends and family members slowly begin to figure out your a wiz at most to anything technology related you then become the designated Nerd-A-Lert tech support. My computer is broke! How do I tell my DVR to play the dolby digital sound sound signal instead of the analog signal? How do I stream Netflix to my TV? How do I post this picture from another website to facebook? How do I get my VCR to stop flashing 12:00?? (first get rid of the VCR and get yourself a blue ray player to start with) The questions never seem to end.

My hands down favorite story is when a friend of mine was looking a light bulb. Now mind you, this was no ordinary light bulb. He owns a business that has security lighting (the kind you would see in a parking lot) and that security lighting uses special bulbs you just cant go to the store or even Lowes to just pick up. His daughter (who ran the business for him) brought the box the bulb came in in an effort to help track down where exactly you can get a hold of this elusive/exotic bulb. Because my friend rubs elbows with other rich business big shots (he hates it that I call him that) he was actually on the phone with another rich business big shot who does a lot of major industrial electrical business asking him of all people where he might be able to get a replacement bulb. I calmly asked my friend (while he was still on the phone) if the box on the table was the box the bulb came in, asked if I could go into his “computer room” to use the computer. Approximately 2 to 3 minutes later (using a google SKU reverse search technique I can’t explain to you) I yelled out from the computer room: “Hey dude! Is this what your looking for?” pointing at a picture of bulb being sold through a specialty online retailer. The only down side to this story is now my friend expects me to solve every technical problem he has (I love you guy but I am going to have to start to charge for my services).

Then there is my lovely bride (gosh I love her so much). She stays at home when I go to work and she MUST (and I do mean must) have her cable TV to help her keep entertained while I am away (heck knows I provide enough entertainment when I am at home). She calls me now and then when the power goes out (& back on) and makes the DVR go crazy. Its then my geeky hubby duty to diagnose and resolve the entertainment to DVR to TV issues she is having. If you have ever seen a grown man speak in sweet low tech easy to understand terms while pounding his head on the nearest wall you just might have seen me without realizing it. I swear I am going to make a step by step book (with visuals) just for my sweat heart for when this happens.