An Ode to Wendy O. Williams (and the Plasmatics)

Believe it or not my first introduction to Wendy O. Williams was during a English class in high school. Mr. (sorry I can’t remember his last name) rolled in a TV, and VCR from the AV department and proceeded to shock, stimulate, and barrage our ears and eyes with the magic wonder and mystery that was Wendy O. Williams. He made it clear he was a big fan of hers and since she is famous for her Mohawk (did she have a mohawk? I was not paying attention to her hair at the time), strategically placed electrical tape/pasties/clothes?, and taking a chainsaw to a car while performing most of the guys in the class (who knows, maybe a couple of girls also) became instant fans also.

Mind you, this is during the early 80’s when MTV actually played music videos and it just got so crazy as to what and who would be shown on MTV it seemed like it was open season on the ears, eyes, and whatever sensibilities there may have been left over from the post disco studio 54 age. MTV garnered the reputation of being almost like a pirate radio station. You watched it during the day with your parents and they would be kind enough to show simple minds or Tiffany and when you watched late at night you just might get to see Punk Bands, Billy Idol, and even Wendy O. Williams. A complete overload of orange, green, purple hair, tattoos, piercings, ripped jeans, and badass anti-establishement rock music.

Because I truly want my blog to be rated G (PG at best) I will not post a youtube video here as an example. Never mind Lady Gaga, or Nicki Minaj, they are just mere novices when compared to the fierce full throttle bat in the face explosion that was Wendy O. Williams. Now where did I leave that chainsaw??

MOVIE QUOTE JUMBLE

Come with me if you want to live because there is no business like show business. Because only in Hollywood you don’t need roads because where we are going there are NO roads. Take the Gun and leave the cannoli because even though there is no place like home there truly no place like the Movies.

Movies give us a needed escape from life so you better get busy living or get busy dying and Movies can make you feel alive and can help you deal with death even if Stormtroopers just Killed your Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. You may want the truth but you cant handle the truth, the truth is far too boring and the movie version is always much better. The Hills are alive with the sound of music only because those hills have those iconic HOLLYWOOD letters standing on them. 

Say: I am Sparticus! All you want, but you would have to show me the money!! Oh? No money? No worries because Hollywood is genuine proof that if you build it they will come. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I’m offering is the truth – nothing more.

So what you want Mary? Should I give you the moon? NO I give you Hollywood, movies, and an escape. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. So go see a movie dang it. Look, No body puts baby in a corner and your hard earned dollars can help Baby buy some hair straightener. Her hair dresser says I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore. Because with great power comes great responsibility and there is no greater responsibility than being in charge of those tight curls. 

Say what you want about the demise of the Hollywood Myth, all it needs is Bond, James Bond and he likes his martini’s shaken not stirred. All it takes to wake Hollywood up is  to give it a taste of Hanzo Steel. I didn’t say, sell me. I said, give me. Any movie nerd is obliged to assist you in the extermination of your vermin, Because your vermin, is a former student. And considering the student, I’d say you had a rather large obligation. 

So play it Sam, play that movie on the big screen. This is going to start of a beautiful friendship. I will be the movie geek with the Twizzlers and the chocolate covered raisins.

Once Upon A Zombie

Image via CrunchBase

[a article of great creative interest by rocket tattoo ]

Orlando Florida

Troubled news from the Magic Kingdom today as the truly horrific images were finally revealed for all to see. CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, and even Ron Burgundy himself called for a moratorium on the limit of ghastly video, images, and assorted camera phone pictures were flooding the internet. Facebook, Instagram, Flicker, Google, and Twitter all vowed to pull any and all disturbing images from their databases.

As far as anyone can tell the imagineers at Disney/Buena Vista International finally went too far with taking “dramatic liberties” with Fairy tale characters, their own characters, and several episodes of “the walking dead”. “Through the Magic Of Disney” Beloved characters apparently were bitten, scratched, clawed, chewed, eaten and even further infected by a hoard of ruthless celluloid and digital animation eating Zombies.

The scene is so indescribably horrific that words just really cannot describe the cartoon suffering. Special agent Goofy of the Magic Kingdom Security Division was forced to break his deep cover as a long term Disney character in order to bring the grim news to the media. According to the Special Agent the madness broke out during a speaker phone conversation with The heads at ABC studios. As far as they can tell, despite the confusion of including beloved Disney Characters into the already head spinning enigma of a television show that is “Once Upon A Time” there was excitement, further eagerness, and willingness to include even more of their properties (Marvel, Star Wars, ect) into their fairy tale based show.

Little did they know that while they were having their conversation that Mickey Mouse once again (despite all the security protocols Disney had put in place) had been making Dark Disney magic while wearing the very same Sorcerers hat he wore in the movie Fantasia. It seems that there was no way Mickey could even begin to realize the ramifications of doing so after just watching a 4 hour block of “The Walking Dead” on Netflix.

Disney security, a celluloid and digital animation recovery unit, and some people dressed like keystone Cops have been deputized by Special Agent Goofy himself to help contain the Zombie virus. He would only say about the process that “Nothing shakes you to the core more than having to give Dumbo the elephant a head-shot to end his suffering”. Everything else, the entire Disney property, golf courses, people mover, Epcot, and even any images is being blacked out to the media in respect for the Families of the affected Disney Characters.

[ Rocket tattoo is a artist, thinker, blogger, comedian, happily married weirdo, and makes money online here: http://bit.ly/1acxCAp ]

Apparently people seem to prefer their leaders (and monsters/aliens) spitting, snarling, yelling, and in dire need of deep psychotherapy.

AAAAAAAH !! !SPARTA!

:Warning may contain nerdy references to nerdy stuff :

Oh hello Leonidas, leader of the 300 (spit included) !SPARTA! Half naked (gosh that must be cold) warriors. You have a visitor from the Persian empire. I have heard of being kicked to the curb but do you have a habit kicking all your UN-welcomed guests into a well??

Spider Man’s dead uncle says with great power comes great responsibility. If you missed him saying it at least 3 times in the original Tobey Maguire version the people at Marvel Comics and Disney (who owns Marvel) were kind enough to repeat the phrase again a few more times in the next movie (again with Tobey Maguire).

What good old (and dead) Uncle Ben forget to mention was people (separately and in groups) seem to take you more seriously if your yelling, screaming, spitting, snarling, and have veins popping out of your neck and head. In other words all the stress anxiety filled behavior your cardiologist warned you against.

I have drawing, doodling, painting, coloring and creating for as long as I can remember. I have a online art gallery, and actually have shown some of my art work at a few local gallery’s. Most of my subject matter is inspired by comic books, aliens, monsters, and robots (big surprise huh?). My mom asked me one time why 90% of the aliens and monsters I draw are spitting and snarling. Well Gee mom, friendly monsters and aliens are a nice idea and such with the whole saving the world, kumbaya people holding hands, figuring old cold fusion, tree hugging, xenomorph sole kissing happiness and everything but spitting, snarling monsters and aliens with anger management issues are just plain cool.

Lets just be honest for a moment, your watching your favorite sports team. If the your team is stinking up whatever playing field they play on, do you really want the coach to give everyone on the team a hug, call them over for “soul palates”, have them hold hands and click their heels, burn scented candles, or sing a 80’s big hair power ballad to them on a karaoke machine? Absolutely NOT! You seriously expect the coach to yell, scream, look like he’s about to pop his top, spit, snarl, and yell loving hatred at them. The visit to the cardiologist and psychotherapist can wait for now, we have points to get on the board to get. Bragging rights at church and work are hanging in the balance here dang it.

Peter Parker (and Tobey Macguire) was a nice guy dork who got bullied, Spider Man was a nice guy dork with great powers (you say the rest I can’t take it any more), but Venom was Spider Man’s darker alien infused, spitting, snarling, cooler anger management weirdo doppelganger self. People paid attention to him, he was stinky, nasty, and would have made a great sports coach, half naked warrior leader, and a great candidate for psychotherapy. He will just have wait in line with Bobby Night, The Incredible Hulk, Wolverine, Charlie Sheen, Leather Face, The predator, The Terminator, and Sam Kinison.

Don’t look now, the Government is watching you watch a movie about the Government watching you

Open lap top, open a internet browser window, get a pop up. Pop up has a virus hoping to access your webcam. Right click.. get a message about adult diapers. You just sent a email joking about adult diapers and now every time you go to look at your email account there is a advertisement with a balding man looking ashamed he has to wear adult diapers. You click a picture of Edward Snowden and 10 days later your being audited by the IRS. You go to Yahoo movies, click on showtime’s for movies. A bush rustles near your kitchen window. You decide to see: “Closed Circuit” with Eric Bana. Its a “fictional thriller” about people being watched by the government. Your feeling overly paranoid so you try to choose between wearing your favorite tinfoil hat or the entire tinfoil suit you made one Saturday afternoon. GPS off, black masking tape over webcam, and you put on your NON squeaky shoes. Check,and check, you see a man across the street who looks like Tommy Lee Jones as a MIB. That is his happy face, the Government just admitted area 51 really does exist and he no longer has to be a personal body guard to a slimy alien. Now where did you put those sunglasses you DIY’d into a pair of night vision goggles???

Don’t Look now there is a sexy vampire following you

English: A screenshot from Dracula Italiano: Uno screenshot del film Dracula (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Twilight, the twilight movie franchise, the twilight book franchise, true blood, vampire dairies, twilight the flash light, twilight the place mat, twilight the toilet paper, and vampire dairies the shrimp fork all have one thing in common: Sexy vampires.

Your grandma had Max Shreck (as Nosferatu ). There was no doubt in any ones mind Vampires were weird looking, ugly, disagreeable, spent a lot of time not saying a lot, wanted to drink your blood, liked playing with shadow puppets, and meant to harm you.

Your dad (and possibly mom although she refuses to talk about it) had Bela Lugosi (as Dracula). He was dressed well to do looked like he should be vamping up and down Park Avenue but it was still pretty clear he just wanted to be a evil blood sucking king of the vampires in a tuxedo and coat tails.

Now Vampires have to be hunky, sexy, alluring, wearing Vampire couture, has to know how to be filled with angst, have great hair, be elusive, be mysterious, look great in a tight Hot Topic T-shirt, and memorize confusing dialogue involving shape shifters, witches, werewolves, magic, doppelgangers, cemeteries, and “how do I get get blood out of my laundry?” dry cleaning bills.

Max and Bela just would not make the grade. They don’t test well with modern audiences, don’t know how to work a red carpet event, don’t sparkle in any way possible, don’t know how to work a comic con room, and no one wants to bid $10,000.00 on a cocktail napkin they used on Ebay.

Sounds like way too much pressure to me. Isn’t it enough be eternal? Do you even have any idea how boring the late 1700’s were? And seriously, someone please make up their mind. Am I a bat? Or a vampire? And now I have to look good at 8am making witty morning talk show banter while plugging the new vampire whatever thing? Yuck. I need a upside down nap, someone please wake me up when I can go back to being a ordinary vampire.

Confessions

When I was younger a local lady in the neighborhood told me she had a baby in her belly. I went around telling people she ate her baby.

When Marcia Brady was hit in the face with a football I was indeed rooting for the football

I did not actually switch to Tide Coldwater like I told the lady in the elevator I did the other day

The entry: “Warrior Ninja Master Of Disguise” on my Linkedin profile is not true. I only added it to impress my Karate master.

I did so yeah huh win the go-fish, scrabble, Star Trek hide and seek tournament held at Tommy Franklin’s house back in 77. Yeah huh times infinity

Purple is NOT my favorite color, blue is, and I am glad I finally got that off my chest

At night I am working on a laser beam that tuns lady bugs into not-so-lady bugs who are strangely attracted to light bulbs painted red

Next time you apply and interview for a job make sure you learn to read minds

I have a wonderful job. I have a wonderful job with a good company, I actually enjoy what I do and I feel like I get treated very well where I work. Seriously, yes I know I should just pinch myself, count my blessing and call it day. In a economy where just having a job alone is a commodity and there are thousands among thousands of people working stupid jobs for stupid people for long stupid hours for seriously stupid pay I fully do realize I have won the lottery in the career department.

Hire me puuuleeeze!

Despite all of this I know there is more out there for me. When I say more I don’t really mean more than what I already have. I mean I know there are departments within the company (fortunately for me I work for a extremely large corporation with jobs and positions all over the world) I already work for that would better suit the hours and possibly even career interests that I want.

I currently do call center work and have been doing so for 18 years. My voice, humor, attention to detail, love for connecting with people, and ability to multitask have been my bread and butter for quite a while. For my current employer I will be celebrating my 2 year anniversary in august. Through the encouragement of my team leader/supervisor I decided to start looking around internally for positions that may better fit the hours I would much rather have along with a (hopefully) better fit to my career goals.

Believe it or not despite the fact call center work has been my bread butter for a long time it doesn’t necessarily mean its what I would much rather be doing. So I took my supervisors advice and started to look. When you work for a large global corporation like I do its amazing, mind numbing, and almost hilarious the (what seems like) zillions of positions, position titles (just what exactly does a “Operation data mining specialist” do? And how did it get that title?) and descriptions that flooded my computer screen.

Since I currently have no interest in working in foreign countries (foreign to the United States Of America that is) I refined my search query to the local area where I live and have actually interviewed for 3 positions. Its been a cathartic experience trying to explain what I currently do (although they have a basic idea), what a typical day is like for me, and just how?? those skills, activities, attributes, ect do really (no really I swear) fit into what they are looking for. Its like trying to read their minds on what exactly it is they value, are looking for, and trying to figure out what exact maze they expect you to master before they give you access to the cheese. (did some one say cheese?)

During one interview with a lady in a department in the same building I work at acted like she was trying to talk me out of the position. She made it very clear the position was very demanding, I would have to keep my calls within a certain time frame, and make absolutely certain I code/disposition/memo the call/inquiry correctly. I knew for a fact I was up for the challenge but she seemed to have her mind made up. Because I come from a customer service department where we have a tendency to take a little more time on the phone with the customers to make sure all their inquiries/needs are met I would not be able to adjust to the tighter time constraints. Lets just say there was no surprise when I received the dreaded “thanks but no thanks” internal email.

At least she “Interviewed” (or at least pretended to) me to give me the no thanks. I have been submitting applications and cover letters left and right. I even got a no thanks without even a interview from my company’s social media/twitter team (NO seriously I could not believe they had one either). I am still not sure what skills/talents/whatever they deem as worthy for this team. They obviously don’t have any clue that computers/technology/ and the internet are my playground and that I am all the map in this area.

Does any one other than me think Television executives are stark raving mad?

I am actually at a place now with television programming that I long for the days where you had the traditional “seasons” (fall through late spring) and then had to be subjected to mini-series, celebrities competing with each other in skimpy bathing suites, and the occasional screening of “Old Yeller” during the summer off season. Now we are at a point where networks will put anything and everything on air. I can only imagine the conversations that take place: “Hey Henry, how about a sitcom about a Love struck Gopher who dabbles as a Vampire hunter?” or “Wow look at this script Steve! A dysfunctional alien dad tries to bring up 10 down and out penguin’s who escaped from a cruel zoo keeper portrayed by a cartoon alligator”. I blame the reality show craze, and please don’t even get me started on that vein. Is anyone really watching “survivor” anymore? It should have been voted off the island a very, very long time ago.

So here is the current cancellation list of shows you may possibly care less about to shows that may cause you to write a hate filled letter. After all the networks pump up, push, market, and try to convince you when they originally air these shows that they are the greatest thing since Matlock.
Deception (NBC): Cancelled.
Animal Practice (NBC): Put down.
Do No Harm (NBC): Harmed.
30 Rock (NBC): Over.
Guys with Kids (NBC): You can’t believe how cancelled this is.
The Office (NBC): Closed.
Smash (NBC): Smushed.
Up All Night (NBC): Christina Applegate quit: This was cancelled … by its own star!
Whitney (NBC): Thankfully.
1600 Penn (NBC): Impeached.
Made in Jersey (CBS): Terminated.
Private Practice (ABC): Spin-off heaven.
Partners (CBS): Dumped
Ben & Kate (Fox): & Cancelled.
Vegas (CBS): Lost.
Go On (NBC): Get out.
Fringe (Fox): R.I.P.
Touch (Fox): Touchable.
The Job (CBS): What?
The Mob Doctor (Fox): Ha! That title. Yeah. Deceased.
Don’t Trust the B– in Apt. 23 (ABC): Speaking of: Did anyone really believe a comedy with “B—-” in the title was going to last?
666 Park Avenue (ABC): Hellbound.
Last Resort (ABC): Indeed.
Rules of Engagement (CBS): Broken.
Golden Boy (CBS): Tarnished.
CSI: NY (CBS): Two down, one to go.
Zero Hour (ABC): Zero something all right.
Emily Owens, M.D. (The CW): Crashed.
How to Live with Your Parents (ABC): Evicted.
Red Widow (ABC): Exterminated.
Body of Proof (ABC): D.O.A.
The New Normal (NBC): Or not.
Family Tools (ABC): Put away.
Malibu Country (ABC): Overthrown.
Happy Endings (ABC): Until this happened.
90210 (The CW): Finished.
Cult (The CW): Unfollowed.