Apparently people seem to prefer their leaders (and monsters/aliens) spitting, snarling, yelling, and in dire need of deep psychotherapy.

AAAAAAAH !! !SPARTA!

AAAAAAAH !! !SPARTA!

:Warning may contain nerdy references to nerdy stuff :

Oh hello Leonidas, leader of the 300 (spit included) !SPARTA! Half naked (gosh that must be cold) warriors. You have a visitor from the Persian empire. I have heard of being kicked to the curb but do you have a habit kicking all your UN-welcomed guests into a well??

Spider Man’s dead uncle says with great power comes great responsibility. If you missed him saying it at least 3 times in the original Tobey Maguire version the people at Marvel Comics and Disney (who owns Marvel) were kind enough to repeat the phrase again a few more times in the next movie (again with Tobey Maguire).

What good old (and dead) Uncle Ben forget to mention was people (separately and in groups) seem to take you more seriously if your yelling, screaming, spitting, snarling, and have veins popping out of your neck and head. In other words all the stress anxiety filled behavior your cardiologist warned you against.

I have drawing, doodling, painting, coloring and creating for as long as I can remember. I have a online art gallery, and actually have shown some of my art work at a few local gallery’s. Most of my subject matter is inspired by comic books, aliens, monsters, and robots (big surprise huh?). My mom asked me one time why 90% of the aliens and monsters I draw are spitting and snarling. Well Gee mom, friendly monsters and aliens are a nice idea and such with the whole saving the world, kumbaya people holding hands, figuring old cold fusion, tree hugging, xenomorph sole kissing happiness and everything but spitting, snarling monsters and aliens with anger management issues are just plain cool.

Lets just be honest for a moment, your watching your favorite sports team. If the your team is stinking up whatever playing field they play on, do you really want the coach to give everyone on the team a hug, call them over for “soul palates”, have them hold hands and click their heels, burn scented candles, or sing a 80’s big hair power ballad to them on a karaoke machine? Absolutely NOT! You seriously expect the coach to yell, scream, look like he’s about to pop his top, spit, snarl, and yell loving hatred at them. The visit to the cardiologist and psychotherapist can wait for now, we have points to get on the board to get. Bragging rights at church and work are hanging in the balance here dang it.

Peter Parker (and Tobey Macguire) was a nice guy dork who got bullied, Spider Man was a nice guy dork with great powers (you say the rest I can’t take it any more), but Venom was Spider Man’s darker alien infused, spitting, snarling, cooler anger management weirdo doppelganger self. People paid attention to him, he was stinky, nasty, and would have made a great sports coach, half naked warrior leader, and a great candidate for psychotherapy. He will just have wait in line with Bobby Night, The Incredible Hulk, Wolverine, Charlie Sheen, Leather Face, The predator, The Terminator, and Sam Kinison.

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Don’t Look now there is a sexy vampire following you

English: A screenshot from Dracula Italiano: U...

English: A screenshot from Dracula Italiano: Uno screenshot del film Dracula (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Twilight, the twilight movie franchise, the twilight book franchise, true blood, vampire dairies, twilight the flash light, twilight the place mat, twilight the toilet paper, and vampire dairies the shrimp fork all have one thing in common: Sexy vampires.

Your grandma had Max Shreck (as Nosferatu ). There was no doubt in any ones mind Vampires were weird looking, ugly, disagreeable, spent a lot of time not saying a lot, wanted to drink your blood, liked playing with shadow puppets, and meant to harm you.

Your dad (and possibly mom although she refuses to talk about it) had Bela Lugosi (as Dracula). He was dressed well to do looked like he should be vamping up and down Park Avenue but it was still pretty clear he just wanted to be a evil blood sucking king of the vampires in a tuxedo and coat tails.

Now Vampires have to be hunky, sexy, alluring, wearing Vampire couture, has to know how to be filled with angst, have great hair, be elusive, be mysterious, look great in a tight Hot Topic T-shirt, and memorize confusing dialogue involving shape shifters, witches, werewolves, magic, doppelgangers, cemeteries, and “how do I get get blood out of my laundry?” dry cleaning bills.

Max and Bela just would not make the grade. They don’t test well with modern audiences, don’t know how to work a red carpet event, don’t sparkle in any way possible, don’t know how to work a comic con room, and no one wants to bid $10,000.00 on a cocktail napkin they used on Ebay.

Sounds like way too much pressure to me. Isn’t it enough be eternal? Do you even have any idea how boring the late 1700’s were? And seriously, someone please make up their mind. Am I a bat? Or a vampire? And now I have to look good at 8am making witty morning talk show banter while plugging the new vampire whatever thing? Yuck. I need a upside down nap, someone please wake me up when I can go back to being a ordinary vampire.

Say What?

Mel Blanc in 1976

Mel Blanc in 1976 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I like voices, accents, and have a bit of a interest in how people sound. Cartoon characters and their crazy voices really perked my interest even further. I remember growing up and seeing an American Express commercial with Mel Blanc. He was doing all my favorite Looney Tunes characters, and it just blew my mind when I finally realized he was responsible for giving life and voice to each and every one of the Looney Tune characters. Add the fact that call center work and my own voice has been my bread and butter for 18 years now I finally took the hint at being told the umpteenth time that I have a “radio voice” and have tried (emphasis on tried) my hand at doing some voice over acting.

I found this interesting video that dramatizes what people speaking English sound like to those who don’t. Being a amateur comedian I have done my share of “Fake accents” and somewhat convincing southern, British, French?, and assorted other accents and voices. I also have included “Crazy Commercials” voiced, and produced by me. (aka Midnight Pizza Productions) All the voices in “Crazy Commercials” are done by me. I hope you enjoy you blogging bloggers.. have a great day and don’t forget to leave a comment. 🙂

Even more reasons why they need to put the word Fun back into the word Funeral

The Photo Funeral
what seems like a very long time ago my wife’s grandmother (on her dad’s side) passed away. My wife and I dated for a couple of years before getting married. Beyond one trip to visit the extended family on his side I don’t really remember a lot of contact with the Woman. To me she was a complete stranger, and it seemed obvious to me my wife did not feel very close to her either. If you want to be a decent human being and not seem like a total waste of human flesh you do what you do. You show up for at least the viewing (a concept I have yet to fully wrap my mind around). My wife and I do the obligatory viewing, and then sit down. Next thing I know my wife’s sister is toting a camera and taking pictures. I don’t mean pictures of family members, I mean pictures of Grandma. In her casket. Okay, I have a small understanding this very well is a way for some people to remember their loved ones but I have to be honest to say it totally freaked me out. From that point forward I have made a concerted effort to never, and I do mean Never be caught looking at slides, photo albums, photo video montages at my sister in-laws house for fear the pictures will go from smiling faces, happy moments to dead people in caskets.

I’m sorry, what way to the bathroom again?
Later on, here I was at yet another funeral of a family member on my wife’s dad’s side. Thankfully I don’t remember any camera action during this funeral but the absolute hands down most memorable moment was when I asked where I could locate the Men’s bathroom. A lady staff member pointed past me. I looked at the direction she was pointing, looked back at her (I must have had the worlds most perplexed look on my face) and made sure. Again, looking annoyed she has to point again, I confirmed she was indeed pointing in the direction I thought she was. Through yet another viewing room and yes there was whole other viewing taking place in that very room at the same time. All I could picture was me getting accosted on my way to the bathroom by a random stranger saying something like: “hey! Cousin Ed! (not my name) and then being forced to pay last respects to “Nanna” while people look at me weird trying to figure out why their cousin Ed has changed so much.

Baloons for Grandma

believe it or not the networks do have cool stuff on the news. CBS has a reporter named Steve Hartman who used to do these awesome segments where he would randomly pick a name out of a telephone book to prove that everybody has a interesting story. He found a single mother and her son and quickly figured out because the little boy had a wonderful personality and acute mind the real story was with him. while Steve and a crew of camera people followed this boy around the boy asked if they would like to come along with him so he could give his grandma a few helium balloons. They followed the boy to a local flower shop where the boy bought 2 red helium balloons with his allowance. The crew then continued to give the boy a ride to his destination as he gave directions. Fully expecting to come to a house where the boys grandma lived the boy had them stop at a grassy hill top. The boy simply ran to the edge of the hill top and let the balloons go. Perplexed Steve asked what just happened and the boy just simply stated: Grandma is in heaven, I give her balloons for her to catch.