So when exactly do I get to pick out my “Old Man Outfit”??

I turned 50 last year, I am looking 51 dead in the eye in six more months. It has me worried. The reason why is based on trips to Walmart, any grocery store, the hardware store, The DMV, Doctors offices, and just pumping gas into my minivan. While I am at any location really there is a growing number of people growing old. A lot of these older people (older than me I am pointing out here) are men. The majority of them have somehow, in someway have decided to wear (with very slight variations) the same outfit. Its as if there is a store that caters to grumpiness, never ending stories of working on their car, garage, boat, cabinets, memories of war, and the last pork chop they ate. 

The outfits seem to consist of: jeans, coveralls, work pants (if you say dockers they will slap you for being a sissy), a dress shirt (normally plaid, printed in some manly fashion without looking to frilly), suspenders (seems to be a MUST HAVE item) a belt (I guess the suspenders are a back up just in case the belt goes out or visa-versa), and a hat. 

The hat seems to open to interpretation just as long it does not have fruit on top of  and is completely void of a bow or ribbon included. Baseball cap seems to be a nice popular choice just as long as you wear it like a real man and stop trying to look like a rap artist, or someone with a mental problem.  What is inscribed/written on the baseball hat seems to be important also. Letting people know your a war veteran and that you were Killing people in foreign lands while they were still nursing will get you some serious nursing home Cred. 

Bowlers, Pork Pie hats(Think Walter White from Breaking Bad), Fedora’s, and even Richard Petty style cowboy hats can be acceptable wear. If your stuck in traffic behind a slow moving vehicle chances are good the driver is a old man in a hat (or he left his hat at home).

What confuses me is 1. when exactly did these legions of old men decide to start wearing the same outfit? And 2. Now that I am getting older am I required to follow suit? When exactly do I start turning the garden hose on the neighbors kids?, Complain about the meatloaf at the local cafeteria?, start smelling like I poured a entire bottle of Old Spice on myself?, Have a handshake that feels like Solid Rock?, tell stories of the car I put back together with nothing more than a piece of wire and a can of WD40?, threaten to put my foot up someones wazoo?, smack people on the back of the head just for being a dumb ass? The questions never end.


Apparently people seem to prefer their leaders (and monsters/aliens) spitting, snarling, yelling, and in dire need of deep psychotherapy.



:Warning may contain nerdy references to nerdy stuff :

Oh hello Leonidas, leader of the 300 (spit included) !SPARTA! Half naked (gosh that must be cold) warriors. You have a visitor from the Persian empire. I have heard of being kicked to the curb but do you have a habit kicking all your UN-welcomed guests into a well??

Spider Man’s dead uncle says with great power comes great responsibility. If you missed him saying it at least 3 times in the original Tobey Maguire version the people at Marvel Comics and Disney (who owns Marvel) were kind enough to repeat the phrase again a few more times in the next movie (again with Tobey Maguire).

What good old (and dead) Uncle Ben forget to mention was people (separately and in groups) seem to take you more seriously if your yelling, screaming, spitting, snarling, and have veins popping out of your neck and head. In other words all the stress anxiety filled behavior your cardiologist warned you against.

I have drawing, doodling, painting, coloring and creating for as long as I can remember. I have a online art gallery, and actually have shown some of my art work at a few local gallery’s. Most of my subject matter is inspired by comic books, aliens, monsters, and robots (big surprise huh?). My mom asked me one time why 90% of the aliens and monsters I draw are spitting and snarling. Well Gee mom, friendly monsters and aliens are a nice idea and such with the whole saving the world, kumbaya people holding hands, figuring old cold fusion, tree hugging, xenomorph sole kissing happiness and everything but spitting, snarling monsters and aliens with anger management issues are just plain cool.

Lets just be honest for a moment, your watching your favorite sports team. If the your team is stinking up whatever playing field they play on, do you really want the coach to give everyone on the team a hug, call them over for “soul palates”, have them hold hands and click their heels, burn scented candles, or sing a 80’s big hair power ballad to them on a karaoke machine? Absolutely NOT! You seriously expect the coach to yell, scream, look like he’s about to pop his top, spit, snarl, and yell loving hatred at them. The visit to the cardiologist and psychotherapist can wait for now, we have points to get on the board to get. Bragging rights at church and work are hanging in the balance here dang it.

Peter Parker (and Tobey Macguire) was a nice guy dork who got bullied, Spider Man was a nice guy dork with great powers (you say the rest I can’t take it any more), but Venom was Spider Man’s darker alien infused, spitting, snarling, cooler anger management weirdo doppelganger self. People paid attention to him, he was stinky, nasty, and would have made a great sports coach, half naked warrior leader, and a great candidate for psychotherapy. He will just have wait in line with Bobby Night, The Incredible Hulk, Wolverine, Charlie Sheen, Leather Face, The predator, The Terminator, and Sam Kinison.

Say What?

Mel Blanc in 1976

Mel Blanc in 1976 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I like voices, accents, and have a bit of a interest in how people sound. Cartoon characters and their crazy voices really perked my interest even further. I remember growing up and seeing an American Express commercial with Mel Blanc. He was doing all my favorite Looney Tunes characters, and it just blew my mind when I finally realized he was responsible for giving life and voice to each and every one of the Looney Tune characters. Add the fact that call center work and my own voice has been my bread and butter for 18 years now I finally took the hint at being told the umpteenth time that I have a “radio voice” and have tried (emphasis on tried) my hand at doing some voice over acting.

I found this interesting video that dramatizes what people speaking English sound like to those who don’t. Being a amateur comedian I have done my share of “Fake accents” and somewhat convincing southern, British, French?, and assorted other accents and voices. I also have included “Crazy Commercials” voiced, and produced by me. (aka Midnight Pizza Productions) All the voices in “Crazy Commercials” are done by me. I hope you enjoy you blogging bloggers.. have a great day and don’t forget to leave a comment. 🙂

My blog morning

I work a later shift (for now), so eat your heart out while your driving to work in the early holy crap time of the morning I am still sleeping. I have been up and down from bed a few times but I just “officially” got up at 11am.

This is one of the mornings I am glad I am not at work early. The very large corporation I have mentioned in another of my blogs is having some higher up muckity mucks visiting the building. Its always the same dog and pony show no matter how many company’s I have worked for. Clean your work area, tidy up, and oh yeah can you hide the zombie? That last one was a real request for me. I keep a small collection of action figures at my cubicle. The Zombie does have guts (made out of rubber!.. and yes I sometimes play with it) hanging out so I actually do understand that gross looking zombies with their guts hanging out is NOT everyone’s cup of tea.

Trust me, I have a complete understanding of how fortunate I am I work for a Company even allows me to have my zombie friend at my work place in the first place. The Company I work for is more well known for being button down conservative so I try not to make too many waves. Now and then I do like to see I can push the envelope just a little. Lately mother nature decided my newest hair color: gray. Not all gray (yet) but just a swoosh in the front. In the past I took my chances and have dyed my hair dark red(ish) to dark purple. No one said boo, and I both amazed and happy my employer has seem to except my unique sense of self expression. I also occasionally wear loud shirts. The official dress code says the shirts worn must have a collar, and they indeed do. I was told when I was training that since my loud shirts are really loud that they would be frowned upon in such a conservative environment. I guessed I proved them wrong.

By the time I get to work I doubt if there will be any muckity mucks still there. They may, but normally if you dress really sharp to try to impress your wasting your time. When there is a visit like this everyone acts if the visitors will be coming to each and every cubicle or work space and personally inspect it. Now you know, no matter how clean, tidy, and organized everything looks the people who are playing host will only allow the guests to “tour” an “approved” route and would never in a million years show them the real underbelly (annnnnd this is where we dump all of our trash!) of the building.

Despite the fact I will most likely NOT have any encounter with the visitors I will behave myself and make certain I do not wear one of my loud shirts (although I would really like to).

Next time you apply and interview for a job make sure you learn to read minds

I have a wonderful job. I have a wonderful job with a good company, I actually enjoy what I do and I feel like I get treated very well where I work. Seriously, yes I know I should just pinch myself, count my blessing and call it day. In a economy where just having a job alone is a commodity and there are thousands among thousands of people working stupid jobs for stupid people for long stupid hours for seriously stupid pay I fully do realize I have won the lottery in the career department.

Hire me puuuleeeze!

Hire me puuuleeeze!

Despite all of this I know there is more out there for me. When I say more I don’t really mean more than what I already have. I mean I know there are departments within the company (fortunately for me I work for a extremely large corporation with jobs and positions all over the world) I already work for that would better suit the hours and possibly even career interests that I want.

I currently do call center work and have been doing so for 18 years. My voice, humor, attention to detail, love for connecting with people, and ability to multitask have been my bread and butter for quite a while. For my current employer I will be celebrating my 2 year anniversary in august. Through the encouragement of my team leader/supervisor I decided to start looking around internally for positions that may better fit the hours I would much rather have along with a (hopefully) better fit to my career goals.

Believe it or not despite the fact call center work has been my bread butter for a long time it doesn’t necessarily mean its what I would much rather be doing. So I took my supervisors advice and started to look. When you work for a large global corporation like I do its amazing, mind numbing, and almost hilarious the (what seems like) zillions of positions, position titles (just what exactly does a “Operation data mining specialist” do? And how did it get that title?) and descriptions that flooded my computer screen.

Since I currently have no interest in working in foreign countries (foreign to the United States Of America that is) I refined my search query to the local area where I live and have actually interviewed for 3 positions. Its been a cathartic experience trying to explain what I currently do (although they have a basic idea), what a typical day is like for me, and just how?? those skills, activities, attributes, ect do really (no really I swear) fit into what they are looking for. Its like trying to read their minds on what exactly it is they value, are looking for, and trying to figure out what exact maze they expect you to master before they give you access to the cheese. (did some one say cheese?)

During one interview with a lady in a department in the same building I work at acted like she was trying to talk me out of the position. She made it very clear the position was very demanding, I would have to keep my calls within a certain time frame, and make absolutely certain I code/disposition/memo the call/inquiry correctly. I knew for a fact I was up for the challenge but she seemed to have her mind made up. Because I come from a customer service department where we have a tendency to take a little more time on the phone with the customers to make sure all their inquiries/needs are met I would not be able to adjust to the tighter time constraints. Lets just say there was no surprise when I received the dreaded “thanks but no thanks” internal email.

At least she “Interviewed” (or at least pretended to) me to give me the no thanks. I have been submitting applications and cover letters left and right. I even got a no thanks without even a interview from my company’s social media/twitter team (NO seriously I could not believe they had one either). I am still not sure what skills/talents/whatever they deem as worthy for this team. They obviously don’t have any clue that computers/technology/ and the internet are my playground and that I am all the map in this area.

Interview Rejection: its not me, its you. Okay its really me


Your NOT hired!

Its hard to not to take Interview rejection personally. I have a job, so trust me I have a very large understanding that I have absolutely nothing to complain about.

Despite all of that I have recently have been trying to see what else is available for me both internally and externally of my current employer. I have interviewed both internally and externally and 2 out the 3 times I have done so I felt both interviews went really well.

One external interview went so well I was told specifically I was “on the top of the list”. There was a 2nd interview hoop to jump through and the interviewer seemed so pumped about me as a candidate that he/she wanted to see if there was any way to do the 2nd interview process right then and there and only because the person who this interview would have been with was not available, it never came to being.

The contact between myself and that person who interviewed me has been annoyingly glacial and silent since then. I started to have a slight understanding of what its like to be a single woman who felt she and her date had really connected and then did not receive a call.

I was given some “feed back” recently on why I did not get offered a position after yet another (what I felt was) great interview. “Well sir, you were late to the appointment, and you failed the written portion of the interview”. In my defense I was helping my mom who just happened to be in town at the time, I did call well before the interview time apologizing that I might be a bit late and I was only late by a minute or 2 at best. The “written” portion of the interview was me playing grade school teacher marking with a red pen spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes. I am still not certain how this exorcize was a true test of my ability to use spell, grammar, or punctuation check (how in the heck do you honestly think I produce these blogs?) on a word processing program.

I am still at a loss also if the “feed back” given was a nifty new service to help me improve myself or there was a such a great concern of my deplorable performance that something just had to be said. If it’s a real service I can only hope other potential employers put it into action. “No mam, you did not get chosen for the position because you spent the entire interview with your shirt pulled over your head”. “No sir, we regret to inform you we decided to choose candidates who did not insist the interviewer speak to a sock puppet”. “I’m sorry mam you we will not be hiring you, you wore an outfit more appropriate for Hooters and not for a office position”.

Welcome to the Jungle

TEDx Behind the Scenes

TEDx Behind the Scenes (Photo credit: inhyuksong)

I swear my mind is a jungle gym. It’s busy, silly, comedic, likes attention way too much and gets easily distracted by laser pointers and shiny objects. Is there a reason that should be a bad thing? I have a great appreciation for the TEDX talk vibe I am getting, people with different backgrounds and different ways of thinking are being celebrated for being so different. I am glad to see there is at least a small corner of the universe where not everybody has to be a “coffee is for closers” power mogul from planet X. Pardon me, I am off to join the circus.